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Why You Should NEVER Ask for Help
In her introduction to Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, Dr. Heidi Grant drops some “kind of” funny knowledge: Social neuroscience studies suggest that people process pain from interacting with others (especially being treated unfairly or being rejected) the same way they process physical pain. They also treat the possibility of rejection like pain, namely by doing everything they can to avoid it.
People are so afraid others will reject their requests for help that they find all kinds of ways to get out of doing it, including clinging to erroneous thoughts and beliefs like the ones we’ve outlined below.
"The real golden rule is trust no b****."
Dropping truth: That’s only the golden rule if you’re a control freak. According to Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need author M. Nora Bouchard, clinging to control leads many people to shun asking for help.
Tip: Just try letting go, even a little. It might make you happier.
"People hate it when others ask them for help."
Dropping truth: Lies. People hate asking for help. Bouchard says most people actually enjoy giving it.
Tip: Reflect on a time you helped someone and felt really good about it. Keep that experience in mind as you’re framing your ask.
"Asking for help will make me look stupid and/or weak."
Dropping truth: Just reflecting on your request or question long enough to consider how to pose it to others can provide valuable insight about your issue.
"People won’t understand what I want and I’ll have to do the thing myself anyways."
Dropping truth: If people don’t understand what you’re asking for, then maybe you don’t understand your problem. Discussing it with someone else could grant much-needed clarity.
Tip: Break your request down into many simple pieces. You might find you need to ask a bunch of different people for assistance instead of dropping everything on one person.
"Asking for help will make me seem bossy."
Dropping truth: It will do that only if you do it wrong.
Tip: Bouchard recommends turning your request into a conversation where you and your friend come up with solutions together, which helps make the exchange rewarding and respectful.
"There’s never an appropriate time to ask for help."
Dropping truth: You have to make the time.
Tip: Bouchard recommends carving out time for your team to discuss problems and support one another. This breaks down the perceived hierarchy between the helper helping and the person in need. In this scenario, everyone plays both roles.
"I can avoid rejection by making people feel obligated to help me."
Dropping truth: Imposing on people will make them less willing to help you.
Grant explains that the goodness associated with helping fades when people feel obligated, controlled, or manipulated.
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Social Media Tools of the Trade
What social media superpower it provides: Superhuman collaboration
Manage asset development and client and stakeholder approvals in one interface.
What social media superpower it provides: Control over time
Calendar and scheduling features will make you feel like you are the absolute boss of time.
What social media superpower it provides: Super speed
Make it faster and easier to create social media content.
What social media superpower it provides: Omnipotence
Manage all your channels and posts from one streamlined POV
What social media superpower it provides: Creation
Access tools and templates to create eye-catching content
Here are some tools for learning all the social media things:
Simplilearn: How to Do Social Media Marketing
What social media superpower it provides: Knowledge absorption
Go from “newb” to “knowledgeable” ridiculously fast
What social media superpower it provides: Clairvoyance
Learn about changing trends before they even happen
What social media superpower it provides: Uncanny intuition
Hear about developments and strategically anticipate shifts
What social media superpower it provides: Mind reading
Get inside the minds of social media experts
Rock This Look
Get the items in this look:
Crop Tank Top (Exact)
Want to submit your #OOTD and be featured in a future newsletter? Email us directly with photos of your look. Pssst...Want the scoop on our latest obsession?
Meet Meltdown — the clean spot treatment beauty editors and skin care lovers can't stop talking about. The one that solves all your pimple problems and sold out 5x at Sephora.
Best part? Until Sunday 9/19, you can use code THEASSIST and try it for 10% off.
Communicate with Everyone
Journalists use the AP style guide for news stories. Fiction and non-fiction writers use the Chicago Manual of Style (CMS) to edit their pieces. Legal eagles use the Bluebook for their professional correspondence. And now, inclusive communicators use the Responsible Communication Style Guide as their go-to reference on race, gender, sexuality, well-being, and religion. Why responsible communication matters Knowing your audience is a universal best practice for practically all communication. That doesn’t mean just knowing who they are. It also means knowing what will resonate with them and also what might totally turn them off. Here are just a few examples of the awkwardness that can result when communicators have no idea what makes their audience tick:
A Mother’s Day message that offended mothers everywhere
A liquor brand’s attempt to appeal to women that disgusted them instead
A diaper advertisement that tried to target dads by stereotyping them
A beauty brand’s attempt to promote diversity with an image that represented the opposite for many
Do not be like these examples! Use the Responsible Communication Style Guide to create authentic and inclusive messages.
High-Caliber EAs Wanted
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National Hispanic American Heritage Month
National Hispanic American Heritage Month is from September 15 through October 15.
Check out 8 Great Ideas for Celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month in the workplace from our friends at Bonusly to find some awesome ideas for commemorating and celebrating the heritage and legacy of people from Spain, Mexico, the Caribbean and Central and South America. (We especially love Bonusly’s recommendation to read together and also their stacked list of fiction and nonfiction titles.)
In case you missed it...
Office Otter turns your convos into tasks automatically so you won't miss a to-do ever again.
monday.com can either supplement your workflow or become your sole solution to get things done, for free.
Goody "To me, from me". It's always a good idea to treat yourself. Create a free account, get $20, gift yourself chocolates, and keep being a boss.
Morning Brew is a free daily email that delivers the latest news from Wall Street to Silicon Valley.
NEW & NOTEWORTHY
Pitch this for your next team building event:
Escape Quest - if an escape room and scavenger hunt had a baby
Vision Board Workshop - two-part workshop that turns your vision into a piece of art
Charades - act out with your team, but in a good way
Candle Making Class - "light 'em up, up, up..." (pretty sure Fall Out Boy didn't think they'd be used in this context)
Blackjack - a game your team can bet on for a good time
Visit our Treasure Trove page. We'll continuously add resources to this page, so bookmark it for easy access. Access every previous newsletter in our Archives.
Can't wait until next week's The Assist? Here are some recs to tie you over until then:
Did you know these HR Tools even exist?
Need gift basket ideas for the upcoming gifting season? We got you.
Get additional employee recognition ideas.
SPILL THE TEA
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